Hey guys!
Today's blog post will probably seem a little repetitive... or maybe it won't? I think the way I'm feeling after 27 days of being back in Canada has been expressed in previous posts, but when I read them over, my emotions don't really seem to come across all that clearly. So I'm going to try to change that, for both myself (in an attempt to get some feelings off my chest) and for other people who have gone or will be going on exchange or just living abroad for a certain amount of time.
About a week or two ago, I posted on my blog a very short 'article' by Kellie Donnelley called "The Hardest Part About Travelling that No One Talks About." That's an excellent start to expressing what my situation is like right now. I went off to the UK, I lived on my own for 5 months, explored France, Italy, Germany and Switzerland, and then returned to the exact life I had before I left. Now don't get me wrong, life before I left was great! I've got a great part-time job, I love my home university, I get to see family and friends regularly again.
Everything is great.... but what about everything that happened while I was away?
Sure, everyone I meet again for the first time since I left asks about how my "trip" was, discusses it with me for under 5 minutes and then... the topic just isn't brought up again. Everyone just goes back to acting like I never left. But I did leave. I spent FIVE MONTHS living on my own in a foreign country. It wasn't just a short vacation. It wasn't a school trip. I spent FIVE MONTHS living abroad. That isn't something that should just be swept under the rug. It's not something that should be ignored.
I'm not saying I want to discuss my time living abroad with everyone, because I don't. Genuinely. I never know what to say when people ask me how my trip was. It's not a question I can answer properly given that I was gone for FIVE MONTHS. Obviously, within that time period, there were ups and downs. It's actually a question that I dislike quite a bit, since it reduces the period I spent living abroad to a mere "trip," as if I was only away for 2 weeks. And when I do try to answer the question, I basically just use words like "amazing," "incredible" and "a great experience." So no, it's not that I particularly want to discuss my exchange in depth.
What I want is to feel comfortable referring back to events that happened while I was away. I want to be able to casually bring up the topic of living in Bristol, or shopping in London, or even the insane driving in Italy, in everyday conversations with my friends and family. But if I do that, it seems like I'm bragging. If I am the one to introduce the topic of my time abroad, then people around me feel like I'm gloating.
But I'm not, and I never will. So I keep quiet. I let people around me -friends, family, coworkers- act as if I never left and never actually experienced something most people don't.
It hurts. Not because I want to brag about my time abroad, but because people are uninterested in learning about the last 5 months of my life. Because those FIVE MONTHS weren't just a 'trip" to me. They were a significant time period in my 21 years of existence. Those months were part of my life. And now they're being ignored.
Why? I don't know. I suppose it's because, to everyone else, nothing has changed. Sure, I was away for a decent amount of time, but, to them, nothing changed. I've returned to the same house in the same city to the same university, the same part-time job and the same habits. To everyone around me, nothing has changed.
To be honest, I don't even know if I've changed. I don't feel like I have... but if that was the case, then I wouldn't be feeling like I am right now... restrained... constricted... limited... restless... like I'm in a bubble that needs to be popped.
I feel like I never actually lived abroad. I feel like the last 5 months of my life haven't actually happened.
I hate that feeling.
I just want the person I was and became over the last 5 months to be acknowledged. I want her to exist here in Canada as well. I need her here to remind me that I did live abroad, I did change and that I don't need to be off to another country again to feel her presence again.
Allie
Today's blog post will probably seem a little repetitive... or maybe it won't? I think the way I'm feeling after 27 days of being back in Canada has been expressed in previous posts, but when I read them over, my emotions don't really seem to come across all that clearly. So I'm going to try to change that, for both myself (in an attempt to get some feelings off my chest) and for other people who have gone or will be going on exchange or just living abroad for a certain amount of time.
About a week or two ago, I posted on my blog a very short 'article' by Kellie Donnelley called "The Hardest Part About Travelling that No One Talks About." That's an excellent start to expressing what my situation is like right now. I went off to the UK, I lived on my own for 5 months, explored France, Italy, Germany and Switzerland, and then returned to the exact life I had before I left. Now don't get me wrong, life before I left was great! I've got a great part-time job, I love my home university, I get to see family and friends regularly again.
Everything is great.... but what about everything that happened while I was away?
Sure, everyone I meet again for the first time since I left asks about how my "trip" was, discusses it with me for under 5 minutes and then... the topic just isn't brought up again. Everyone just goes back to acting like I never left. But I did leave. I spent FIVE MONTHS living on my own in a foreign country. It wasn't just a short vacation. It wasn't a school trip. I spent FIVE MONTHS living abroad. That isn't something that should just be swept under the rug. It's not something that should be ignored.
I'm not saying I want to discuss my time living abroad with everyone, because I don't. Genuinely. I never know what to say when people ask me how my trip was. It's not a question I can answer properly given that I was gone for FIVE MONTHS. Obviously, within that time period, there were ups and downs. It's actually a question that I dislike quite a bit, since it reduces the period I spent living abroad to a mere "trip," as if I was only away for 2 weeks. And when I do try to answer the question, I basically just use words like "amazing," "incredible" and "a great experience." So no, it's not that I particularly want to discuss my exchange in depth.
What I want is to feel comfortable referring back to events that happened while I was away. I want to be able to casually bring up the topic of living in Bristol, or shopping in London, or even the insane driving in Italy, in everyday conversations with my friends and family. But if I do that, it seems like I'm bragging. If I am the one to introduce the topic of my time abroad, then people around me feel like I'm gloating.
But I'm not, and I never will. So I keep quiet. I let people around me -friends, family, coworkers- act as if I never left and never actually experienced something most people don't.
It hurts. Not because I want to brag about my time abroad, but because people are uninterested in learning about the last 5 months of my life. Because those FIVE MONTHS weren't just a 'trip" to me. They were a significant time period in my 21 years of existence. Those months were part of my life. And now they're being ignored.
Why? I don't know. I suppose it's because, to everyone else, nothing has changed. Sure, I was away for a decent amount of time, but, to them, nothing changed. I've returned to the same house in the same city to the same university, the same part-time job and the same habits. To everyone around me, nothing has changed.
To be honest, I don't even know if I've changed. I don't feel like I have... but if that was the case, then I wouldn't be feeling like I am right now... restrained... constricted... limited... restless... like I'm in a bubble that needs to be popped.
I feel like I never actually lived abroad. I feel like the last 5 months of my life haven't actually happened.
I hate that feeling.
I just want the person I was and became over the last 5 months to be acknowledged. I want her to exist here in Canada as well. I need her here to remind me that I did live abroad, I did change and that I don't need to be off to another country again to feel her presence again.
Allie